At three something this morning I stood pleading with our bully cat Daisy to stop beating up sweet Archie cat, while hand washing the popcorn bowl used way earlier in the evening. Having just watched Being Erica, I pondered the lesson from Dr. Tom.
The time frame is sadly correct for the predawn dish debrief. Let's backtrack. Marital movie night was the Tooth Fairy on DVR courtesy of the free HBO preview last weekend on Dish.
Dwayne's bare chest was far yummier than popcorn! Don't judge, dear hubby had eyes glued to miss Ashley Judd. Post Tooth Fairy we watched last week's SYTYCD show and results on hulu.
Best performance of the night...Adele sings, they dance, I get chill bumps.
My nocturnal self then perused hulu once dear hubby zonked, finally committing to Being Erica. Synchronicity. I've been processing several months now the reasons I bowed out of blogging last year. Precisely due to opinions.
In my very little world, I was under the {false} assumption only people I knew in real life or those I personally invited via Networked Blogs, and kindred spirits from the artsy-craftsy family read my blog. The word surprise didn't validate my feelings when a) I turned the isle at the local podunk Wal-mart, or b) when I politely spoke to a random person at a high school football game last fall, receiving spontaneous feedback on my blog. These flesh & blood commenters I wouldn't categorize as acquaintances much less befriend on facebook. Ignorant me thinking I could do my thang in relative anonymity.
Reflecting, I'm still not certain if the feeling of being watched or fear of critics lurking about stopped my posting. Honestly I've written lots, though sometimes only in my head. Literally sinking in at the sink the life lesson - the only opinion that really matters to me is mine. I started this blog for me at a time I was sinking. Tears ran down my cheeks in the theatre watching Julie & Julia as Julie shared the same experience. Sometimes you have to live something to understand it.
Blogging was my outlet. The venue to write, justify craft & fabric expenses, and form friendships with some totally amazing creative ladies. Some are published authors now, others continue the creative journey oblivious to the inspiration they share by blogging. Brave creative souls.
The theme here is I refuse to worry any longer if your opinion differs from mine. Dang! I've wrestled the opinion monkey a lifetime. Feels good to put my big girl panties on to finally cage that judgemental primate. I've spent far too much of my time here trying to please other people. My turn. The truth is I am flawed, I am overly sensitive, I am a perfectionist procrastinator, I live in my head because I feel too much, and God needs me to be exactly who I am for His reasons.
If I haven't already, I will disappoint you because I am on my own journey. So, the point I am at & the one you need me to be at are almost never the same. The worst critic role has been filled {by me} so less than positive comments are not needed. If you don't understand, best wishes on your journey. If you do understand, I hope you will continue to be an artsy reader as I intend to resume writing.
"I could write a blog, I have thoughts." Julie Powell, Julie & Julia
